Machete Kills: Ultra-Violent, Ultra-Silly Sequel

Of the gifted cohort of indie directors that came of age in the early 1990s, including Soderbergh, Tarantino, David O. Russell, and Linklater, arguably Robert Rodriguez is the most disappointing as far as artistuc evolution or career are concerned.

Exactly twenty years ago, Rodriguez splashed into the scene with Mariacchi, an ultra-budget, ultra-violent actioner, which he then remade into a bigger budget, “Desperado.”

The Open Road release, which hits theaters October 11, should please only the core fans.

“Machete Kills” is sort of a remake-sequel to “Machete,” again serving as a star vehicle to Danny Trejo.  Basically plotless, the actioner is a joke of a movie, as violent as its predecessor but lacking any reason to exist—other than the director’s ego to prove that he has the power to make any flick that he wants, and that he can do all the functions involved.

Devoid of energy—even by Rodriguez standards–“Machete Kills” just drags on until it reaches the finish line. Making things slightly more interesting is a parade of likable and sexy stars in cameo roles. Sofia Vergara, who is one of the sexiest femme on TV theses days, is cast as a tough madam who once ate her father’s genitals and now strides into battle with a machine-gun bra and strap-on dildo shotgun that fires when she thrusts her hips.

At heart, Rodriguez is still an adolescent, making the kind of self-indulgent fantasies that are dreamed of by this age group.
Reprising his role as Machete, Danny Trejo, a hero with a wrinkled face and stone expression, again proves to be a man of few words, who shoots first, then asks questions.

Machete suffers a tragedy in the first chapter, after which he is poised for redemption, which promises to grant him U.S. citizenship, from the president himself no less (played by Charlie Sheen, who is credited under his birth name, Carlos Estevez) in exchange for his services.

A mad Mexican revolutionary named Marcos Mendoza (Demian Bichir) plans to fire a nuclear missile at Washington, and Machete’s task is to stop him before it’s too late. He is placed under the care of Amber Heard, who’s hiding as Miss San Antonio.
“You know Mexico. You are Mexico,” the president tells Machete in one of the film’s many campy lines. Machete invades Mendoza’s compound, where he discovers that the drug lord suffers from multiple personalities and has a missile launch device attached to his heart.

Machete takes Mendoza captive to find the American creator of the bomb, a weapons dealer named Luther Voz (Mel Gibson).
Like “Machete,” this picture tries to make satirical observations about race and immigration, but most of them are either lame or tow obvious to enjoy.

The violence again assumes the nature of comic strip cartoon, with heads being lopped off and intestines used as ropes, but, hey, you are not supposed to care about any of the acts.