Expendables 3: Silly, Cliched, Unnecessary and Disposable Actioner

the_expendables_3_9_gibsonQuick: What’s the average age of the cast member of senior citizens in Sylvester Stallone’s new epos actioner, The Expendables 3, which he not only poorly directed but also poorly (even more poorly) wrote.

The ensemble consists of Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Robert Davi.

The only one missing from this aging group of retro 1980s action heroes, many of which produced by Canon, is Chuck Norris.

the_expendables_3_8_statham_snipesDid I say write? The screenplay is actually a silly patchwork of cliches and wannabe funny one-liners

The Plot, such as it is:

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) and the rest of the team encounter Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), who, we learn,  had co-founded The Expendables with Barney years back.

Stonebanks then went on to become a ruthless arms trader, which motivatedarney to kill his old partner,  But did he?

It turns out that Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, is alive and well and determined to kill The Expendables.

Meanwhile, Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members.  To that extent, he recruits new individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy, which of course enable the film to employ younger, more energetic actors, in a desperate effort to capture young male viewers on opening weekend. (The movie is rated PG-13).

Predictably, the aforementioned mission turns out to be a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise.

The running time of this silly retro is an inexplicably two hours and 6 minutes, though it barely has material and action sequences for a 90 minute actioner.